do you know me?

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders,

"there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Norman.

"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."

"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"



"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.

"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.

"No." "I'm the principal's daughter."

"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.

"No," she replied.

"Thank goodness!"

Read More

admission

There was a student who was desirous of taking admission for a study course.
He was smart enough to get through the written test, a GD and was to appear for the personal interview. Later, as the interview progressed, the interviewer found this boy to be bright since he could answer all the questions correctly. The interviewer got impatient and decided to corner the boy.
"Tell me your choice;" said he to the boy, "What's your choice: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or ONE real difficult. Think well before you make up your mind."
The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is ONE real difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!" said the man on the opposite side. Tell me: What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted first but he waited for a while and said: "It's the DAY, sir."
"How???????" the interviewer was smiling ("At last, I got you!" he said to himself.)
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
Admission for the course was thus secured.

Read More

newton

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl 
about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a police officer?"
"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"





Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?"
Student: "Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything."

Read More

snake1 : i am glad that i am not poisonous
snake2 : why ?
snale1 : i just bit my tongue


father : what are your marks like in the school ?
son : they are underwater
father : what  does that mean ?
son they are below c level

teacher : can you tell me what is the unit of electricity ?
student : what ?
teacher : correct 

Read More

LITTLE JIMMY : "My math teacher is crazy". MOTHER: "Why?"

LITTLE JIMMY: "Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1; today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2."


A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy.
 So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's pants."

Read More

homework

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother,
"Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.
 "The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ...
 by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework."

Read More

student

Bikash got 100 out of 100 in the exam. So the teacher gave him a gift and said,
I hope you will do the same in the next exam.'
Bikash: Thank you Sir. I hope you will also print the question paper from my uncle’s printing shop next time.

Teacher: Tell me an example of a creature which can live on water as well as the land.
Student: Frog.
Teacher: Another example.

Student: Another frog.

Read More

teacher

Math teacher: Tell me kiran, if a milkman mixes 2 litres water and 1 liter milk, he will get 3 litres.
What will happen if he mixes 6 litres of water and 3 litres milk?
kiran : I am not a milkman, how can I solve it?

Teacher is explaining to the student,
'if you see someone sinking in the water, you should pull his hair to save him from the water. It will be easy for you.'
Student: but sir, if it happens to you, we shouldn’t help you.
Teacher: why?
Student: because you don’t have any hair.

Read More

young teacher

A young boy was teaching mathematics to a young girl, saying that this was his good deed.
 He kissed her; he then kissed her again; he kissed her a third time adding "There, thats addition".
 She silently gave him the kisses back sweetly saying " So that will be substraction?".
They then kissed each other at the same time. Both smiled and said together " That's multiplication.”
Just at that moment, the young girls father arrived. He kicked him for two blocks exclaiming "That's long division".

Read More

two sardars

Two Sardar ji, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are Sardars we will go direct to the Sun."
"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."

Read More

turtle addupt

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

Read More

baby born

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."
A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "I forgot where I put it"

Read More

three educated person

3 guys were riding in a car : a programmer,a system analyst, a hardware techinician. the system analyst is driving the car and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the breaks have failed and the car is accelerating out of control
so the driver pumps the emergency brake, sownshifts the gares, and rubs the wheels rims against the crub . he finally restless the car to a stop the three climb out and assess the situation

the hardware technician :" let's try and fix it. i'll crawl under the car and take a look"

systems analyst :  No I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes

programmer : "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again "?

Read More

60 years of marriage

a married couple was celebrating their 60 th weeding anniversary. at the party everybody wanted to know how they manage to stay married so long in this day and age. the husband reply " when we were married we cane to an agreement. i would make all the major decision and my wife would make all the minor decision. and in 6o years of marriage we have never needed to make a major desicion."

Read More

jokes: self-esteem

jokes: self-esteem: once a guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, ...

Read More

class3

teacher : abodh can you count up to 5?
abodh count up to 5 slowly using his finger
teacher : Good can you count any higher?
abodh put up his hand and count to 5 anain using his finger


#  the difference between king and president  is that a king is the son of his father and president isn't

Read More

class2

                           


teacher : what is a island
student : a pieces of land which is surrounded by water except on one side
teacher : On one side?
student : yap on the top

teacher : give me the region why world is round
student : well my dad says so, my mother says so, my girlfriend says so, and you says so

Read More

class2

teacher :  bikash how do you spell "crocodile"?
bikash :  k-r-o-k-o-d-i-a-l
teacher : No that's wrong
bikash : May be it's wrong. But you asked me how I spell it ?


teacher : why are you late
abodh:  : because of sign
teacher : what sign
abodh :  the one that says "School Ahead, Go Slow"


teacher : what are some products of  biratnagar ?
abodh : i don't know
teacher : of course you do where do you get sugar from?
abodh : we borrow it from our neighbour

Read More

class room review1

teacher :  tomorrow there will be a lecture on pluto and neptune every must attend it
student : sorry my mom would't let me go so far


teacher : how old is you dad
students : he is as old as i am
teacher  : how is it possible.
student : because he become dad only after i was born

teacher : suppose i give you 2 dogs and again i give you two dogs so how many will you have?
student :  five sir
teacher :  how?
student  : i have one dog in my house

Read More

class room review

math teacher asked student : what is the full form of Math?
the student answers : " mentally affected teachers harrasing students"



in the class room a teacher asked if i saw a man beating a dog and stop him then what virtue would i be showing?
quickly a students replied :  brotherly love  sir...




english teacher asked give me an examlpe of coincidence?
students replied my momy and dad got maried on same date

Read More

class room 2

Teacher: What happened in 1869?

Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.

Teacher: What happened in 1873?

Student: Gandhi was four years old.


Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?

Student: HIJKLMNO.

Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about?

Student: Yesterday you said H to O.

Read More

job

bikash applied for job in decetive in india and in the interview he was asked a question
WHO KILLED MAHATMA GHANDI?
BIKASH : i will tell you tomorrow
bikash come home and said that he get the to his wife and said that his job is to investigate who killed ghandi

Read More

class room 1

teacher : tell me the sentence that starts with an "I"
student : I is the.....
teacher : STOP never put 'is' after an "I" Always put 'am' after an "I"
student : OK iam the ninth letter of the alphabet


teacher : How can we get some clean water?
student : well bring the water from the river and wash it

teacher :  what do you think kiran the pastparticiple of the verb to ring
kiran :  what do you think it is sir ?
teacher : i don't think  i knew
kiran :  i don't think i knew either, sir

Read More

class room

 Teacher : which is the longest word in english language ?
 Student : SMILES is the longest word in english language.
 Teacher : what??????
 Student  : yes sir there is mile between first and last letter...hahahah

teacher: bikash  point sagarmatha  in the map
bikash: that is it sir
teacher: well done bikash now class who  found sagarmatha?
class bikash did


kiran : iam in big trouble yar
bikash : what happen?
kiran : i saw a mouse in my house
bikash : well then you will need just use a  trap
kiran : i don't have a trap
bikash : well buy it
kiran : i can't offored
bikash : well i will give it
kiran : that sounds sounds too good
bikash  : then you have to do is put a chees in the trap
kiran  : i don't have chees
bikash  :  well then put a bread and oil in the trap
kiran  : i don't have oil
bikash  : put the bread then
kiran   :  i don't have bread
bikash  : then what is the mouse doing at you home

Read More

kiran: Why have you increased speed of car?

bikash: Break has failed. We should reach home before accident.


judge : Now they are your parents  with who do you want to live with? with your mom
kids: no she beats me too much
judge: so do you want to live with your father?
kids: no he also beats me
judge : then with who will you want to live with?
kids: i want to live with nepalese cricket team they never beat anybody


kiran: why are you closing your eyes while playing pianno
bikash: i cant see the agony of the audience

Read More

IPL effect education

Cricket has reached exciting level with IPL. Infusing the same thing into exams, some suggestion:

a. Reduce exam duration to 1 hour and marks to 50.

b. introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.

c. Give free hit i.e, a chance for students to frame their own questions and write answers.

d. First 15 min power play, i.e, no invigilator in the examination hall.

e. Introduce their fair play awards.

f. Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answers written.

g. Introduce one award to the most correct answers in the exams i.e, maximum sixes of the match.

Read More

George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. and a  guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that`s them." for why? guy didn't reply
  and the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We`re planning World War III".
And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde.
The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ha ?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

Read More

evolution or creation

 once a  little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"

   And mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

  father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

That makes confused so the  confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

  And mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Read More

kiran has to sell his dog bikash wants to buy it
bikash:Is this dog faithful?
kiran:yes I have sold it 3 times earlier also. it is so faithful, everytime it returned back to me 

Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?

Woman: Yes, An Amazing Funny Effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head. 

My sweet girlfriend had habit of biting her fingernails. She started doing YOGA to treat the problem. Soon her finger-nails started growing normally.
Seeing this, I asked if yoga had totally cured her problem.
"No," she replied with a funny sweet smile, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."

 

Read More

knife

 kiran: why are you heating the knife
 bikash: to do sucide
kiran :But why are you heating knife 
bikash: to prevent infection 


A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.
Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday.
Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ??
Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Read More

blind man

  once a guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  then he  takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Read More

blind man in store

once a  blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Read More

the english language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England                                          
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

Read More

eat your plate

Taipei, Taiwan (AP) - Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now go a step further - eat the plate.    

Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers.

Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each.

Diners who don't want to eat the items - which taste like unsalted popcorn - can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said.

Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused.

Read More

self-esteem

once a  guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

Read More