do you know me?

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?" "None," answered little Norman. "None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic." "Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!" "Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl. "Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl. "No." "I'm the principal's...

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admission

There was a student who was desirous of taking admission for a study course. He was smart enough to get through the written test, a GD and was to appear for the personal interview. Later, as the interview progressed, the interviewer found this boy to be bright since he could answer all the questions correctly. The interviewer got impatient and decided to corner the boy. "Tell me your choice;" said he to the boy, "What's your choice: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or ONE real difficult. Think well before you make...

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newton

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl  about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a police officer?" "Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?" Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple...

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snake1 : i am glad that i am not poisonous snake2 : why ? snale1 : i just bit my tongue father : what are your marks like in the school ? son : they are underwater father : what  does that mean ? son they are below c level teacher : can you tell me what is the unit of electricity ? student : what ? teacher : correct&nb...

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LITTLE JIMMY : "My math teacher is crazy". MOTHER: "Why?" LITTLE JIMMY: "Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1; today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2." A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy.  So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants....

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homework

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.  "The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ...  by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework...

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student

Bikash got 100 out of 100 in the exam. So the teacher gave him a gift and said, I hope you will do the same in the next exam.' Bikash: Thank you Sir. I hope you will also print the question paper from my uncle’s printing shop next time. Teacher: Tell me an example of a creature which can live on water as well as the land. Student: Frog. Teacher: Another example. Student: Another fro...

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teacher

Math teacher: Tell me kiran, if a milkman mixes 2 litres water and 1 liter milk, he will get 3 litres. What will happen if he mixes 6 litres of water and 3 litres milk? kiran : I am not a milkman, how can I solve it? Teacher is explaining to the student, 'if you see someone sinking in the water, you should pull his hair to save him from the water. It will be easy for you.' Student: but sir, if it happens to you, we shouldn’t help you. Teacher:...

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young teacher

A young boy was teaching mathematics to a young girl, saying that this was his good deed.  He kissed her; he then kissed her again; he kissed her a third time adding "There, thats addition".  She silently gave him the kisses back sweetly saying " So that will be substraction?". They then kissed each other at the same time. Both smiled and said together " That's multiplication.” Just at that moment, the young girls father arrived....

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two sardars

Two Sardar ji, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts. One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are Sardars we will go direct to the Sun." "But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt." And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night." ...

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turtle addupt

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time...

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baby born

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet." A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby...

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three educated person

3 guys were riding in a car : a programmer,a system analyst, a hardware techinician. the system analyst is driving the car and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the breaks have failed and the car is accelerating out of control so the driver pumps the emergency brake, sownshifts the gares, and rubs the wheels rims against the crub . he finally restless the car to a stop the three climb out and assess...

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60 years of marriage

a married couple was celebrating their 60 th weeding anniversary. at the party everybody wanted to know how they manage to stay married so long in this day and age. the husband reply " when we were married we cane to an agreement. i would make all the major decision and my wife would make all the minor decision. and in 6o years of marriage we have never needed to make a major desicio...

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jokes: self-esteem

jokes: self-esteem: once a guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, ...

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class3

teacher : abodh can you count up to 5? abodh count up to 5 slowly using his finger teacher : Good can you count any higher? abodh put up his hand and count to 5 anain using his finger #  the difference between king and president  is that a king is the son of his father and president isn'...

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class2

                            teacher : what is a island student : a pieces of land which is surrounded by water except on one side teacher : On one side? student : yap on the top teacher : give me the region why world is round student : well my dad says so, my mother says so, my girlfriend says so, and you says so...

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class2

teacher :  bikash how do you spell "crocodile"? bikash :  k-r-o-k-o-d-i-a-l teacher : No that's wrong bikash : May be it's wrong. But you asked me how I spell it ? teacher : why are you late abodh:  : because of sign teacher : what sign abodh :  the one that says "School Ahead, Go Slow" teacher : what are some products of  biratnagar ? abodh : i don't know teacher : of course you do where do you get sugar...

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class room review1

teacher :  tomorrow there will be a lecture on pluto and neptune every must attend it student : sorry my mom would't let me go so far teacher : how old is you dad students : he is as old as i am teacher  : how is it possible. student : because he become dad only after i was born teacher : suppose i give you 2 dogs and again i give you two dogs so how many will you have? student :  five sir teacher :  how? student...

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class room review

math teacher asked student : what is the full form of Math? the student answers : " mentally affected teachers harrasing students" in the class room a teacher asked if i saw a man beating a dog and stop him then what virtue would i be showing? quickly a students replied :  brotherly love  sir... english teacher asked give me an examlpe of coincidence? students replied my momy and dad got maried on same date ...

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class room 2

Teacher: What happened in 1869? Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born. Teacher: What happened in 1873? Student: Gandhi was four years old. Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water? Student: HIJKLMNO. Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about? Student: Yesterday you said H to O...

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job

bikash applied for job in decetive in india and in the interview he was asked a question WHO KILLED MAHATMA GHANDI? BIKASH : i will tell you tomorrow bikash come home and said that he get the to his wife and said that his job is to investigate who killed gha...

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class room 1

teacher : tell me the sentence that starts with an "I" student : I is the..... teacher : STOP never put 'is' after an "I" Always put 'am' after an "I" student : OK iam the ninth letter of the alphabet teacher : How can we get some clean water? student : well bring the water from the river and wash it teacher :  what do you think kiran the pastparticiple of the verb to ring kiran :  what do you think it is sir ? teacher : i don't think  i knew kiran :  i don't think i knew either, ...

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class room

 Teacher : which is the longest word in english language ?  Student : SMILES is the longest word in english language.  Teacher : what??????  Student  : yes sir there is mile between first and last letter...hahahah teacher: bikash  point sagarmatha  in the map bikash: that is it sir teacher: well done bikash now class who  found sagarmatha? class bikash did kiran : iam in big trouble yar bikash : what happen? kiran : i saw a mouse in my house bikash : well then you will need just...

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kiran: Why have you increased speed of car? bikash: Break has failed. We should reach home before accident. judge : Now they are your parents  with who do you want to live with? with your mom kids: no she beats me too much judge: so do you want to live with your father? kids: no he also beats me judge : then with who will you want to live with? kids: i want to live with nepalese cricket team they never beat anybody kiran:...

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IPL effect education

Cricket has reached exciting level with IPL. Infusing the same thing into exams, some suggestion: a. Reduce exam duration to 1 hour and marks to 50. b. introduce strategic break after 30 minutes. c. Give free hit i.e, a chance for students to frame their own questions and write answers. d. First 15 min power play, i.e, no invigilator in the examination hall. e. Introduce their fair play awards. f. Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answers written. g. Introduce one award to the most correct answers in the exams i.e,...

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George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. and a  guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that`s them." for why? guy didn't reply   and the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?" Bush says, "We`re planning World War III". And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?" Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde. The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde!!...

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evolution or creation

 once a  little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"    And mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.   father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." That makes confused so the  confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they...

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kiran has to sell his dog bikash wants to buy it bikash:Is this dog faithful? kiran:yes I have sold it 3 times earlier also. it is so faithful, everytime it returned back to me  Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?Woman: Yes, An Amazing Funny Effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.  My sweet girlfriend had habit of biting her fingernails. She started...

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knife

 kiran: why are you heating the knife  bikash: to do sucide kiran :But why are you heating knife  bikash: to prevent infection  A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl. Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday. Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ?? Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away! ...

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blind man

  once a guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  then he  takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards...

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blind man in store

once a  blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking aroun...

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the english language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language? Let's face it English is a stupid language. There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England                                           French fries were not invented...

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eat your plate

Taipei, Taiwan (AP) - Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now go a step further - eat the plate.     Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers. Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail...

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self-esteem

once a  guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among loser...

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