funny is't that

after 3 years kiran is watching his marriage certificate and his wife saw that and asked "what are you doing?" and kiran replied "nothing"  and his wife said you were reading our marriage certificate for half and hour and kiran replied yes i was looking for the expiration date




Niran and kiran are two brothers and Niran is elder brother
Niran: kiran you have to score 95% marks in the board exam
Kiran: no brother i will score 100% marks
Niran: why are you kidding?
Kiran: who started first?

Read More

why are you kidding

In  the Sahara desert there was small community and a leader went there and give speech 
if you give me vote i will built  a bridge for you
listners : but we don't have river here 
leader : don't worry i'll dig the river and built the bridge please vote me 






             marriage expires 
after 3 years kiran is watching his marriage certificate and his wife saw that and asked "what are you doing?" and kiran replied "nothing"  and his wife said you were reading our marriage certificate for half and hour and kiran replied yes i was looking for the expiration date 






                         why are you kidding 
Niran and kiran are two brothers and Niran is elder brother 
Niran: kiran you have to score 95% marks in the board exam 
Kiran: no brother i will score 100% marks 
Niran: why are you kidding?
Kiran: who started first?











 

Read More

dog's food

Kiran went to his best friend's house but his friend was not in the house Niran's friend wife was there so she gave Kiran tea and a plate of biscuit but her dog started to bark at him
kiran : why this dog is barking at me?
Niran's wife : well that biscuit is his food.Don't worry i handle this you better finish it quickly



kiran is at Godabari resturent and had a coffee and while paying bill to the waiter waiter says:  my tips sir
kiran: take it
waiter : sir you are insulting me by giving 1 paisa please give me at least 2
kiran : sorry but i can't insult you twice

Read More

Father's toothbrush

Kiran and Niran are two friends and Niran asked to Kiran: if your father thrashes you, don't you do any thing. well you don't get angry ! 
Kiran : well to control my anger I start to clean the Toilet 
Niran : that's funny but how does that help you to control the anger 
Kiran ; well i use my father's Toothbrush for cleaning the the Toilet 



                                     super market 






In BhatBhataini super market a beautiful girl went on sopping and she brought some stuff and went to the counter 
girl: please check me out now i am in hurry
the cashier watch for that girl for 1 minutes and says" perfect, really beautiful "

Read More

Best Funny Full Forms

1 SUN: surely useless novelties

2 DELL: Deplorable Equipment and Lack Luster

3 HP: Hen Packed

4 IBM: Implicitly Boaring Machines

5 NIIT: Not Interested in IT

6 CTS: Coffee, Tea and Snacks

7 HCL: Hidden Costs and Losses

8 VIP: Very Idiotic Person

9 AOL:American Old Ladies

10 BAR: Buy and Run

11 ATP: All Time Party

12 ADSL: Amazingly Dull Slow Line

13 JAVA: Juvenile Abominable Visual Aesthetics

14 PIG : Preety Indian Girls

15 WWW: Worlds Worst Web

16 BA : Bachelor Again

17 MA: Married Again

18 MBA : Master of bad Activities

19 STUPID : Smart,Tallented,Unique Person in Demand

20 IDIOT : Intelligent Doctor in Operation Threatre

21 USA : Un Satisfied aunty by auncle

Read More

take a look to your wish

there was three young man climbing the mount Everest and they were in trouble. snow was falling so badly so they found a lamp at the top of mountain so one of three rubbed the lamp and the genie came out of lamp and said i will grant you three wishes so say what you want. one of them said i am feeling so much trouble so i want to go home and the one guy disappear and second also said i want to go home and he also disappear and third one says that i am feeling so alone so please i want my friends back so the two friends were back in there

one day one of these three guys was walking in the beach and he found the lantern again and the genie came out and grant him the three wish. by the way he has just lost 10 million money in the casino and he says i want all my money back which i have lost in casino and the genie gave him the money. now second wish he has never love with women in his life  so he wish he would love to the most beautiful lady and that was also come true and at last he has done mistake he saw a orange head bird and  he was happy and says orange head and genie grant his wish by the way he was just happy to see bird but his head was orange head

at last 2 guys among three again found the lantern and he lit the lantern at that time the genie was so angry because of that three friends so he wanted to kill the man but the man was happy because he knew that he will have three wish but the genie says that i will kill you, you three guys make me so angry when i try  to sleep you three friends wake me up know this time i have promised who woke me up i will kill that person so ready to be die and the person says no don't kill me i will do what ever you say i will be your servant please don't kill me please so genie make the man servant

Read More

what a cold blooded police

a senior police officer has said that we have to be  cold blooded cops in the office so two police officer while going out side for investigation one officer was late and when come, he was shaking  so
 1 police officer : why are you shaking like that?
 2 police office  : i just come out of fridge!
 1 police officer : what the hell you were doing there?
 2 police officer : aren't you were there while our boss said that we have to be cold blodded cops


                                        save my life
a 25 years old man run very fast to the police station and he says please arrest me. please save my life and police says what happens. first say and we will do what we have to do. well my wife is after me with the gun please save my life. and the police says why is your wife  after you well i have attempt two round fire to her

Read More

yamaraj in hell

hubby was judge in the court and he was dead and  was taken to the hell by the yamaraj and there he says i should have to be heaven why should i am here in hell  and yamaraj says don't speak, now you have to just chose the room in which you want to spend you life now. so there was three doors and hubby opens first doors and he saw  that people were in chain their legs were ripe in chain and he says no i open the next door and he saw that the people were ripe in the neck and again he says no i will open the next door and he saw that people were eating tea and laughing and he says yes i will stay here. and while he was also taking tea then yamaraj says now tea break is over every body come in head.

   
            money is everything


my grandfather always say look after your health.don't look money only . so i have that things on my mind and when i was in class my health teacher told us health is everything and money is noting and by the same time my purse was stolen in the class room and by the way my health teacher has stolen it

Read More

i like the way you think

Milan was doing some thing in the math class his mind was not in class and the teacher noticed that and ask the question Milan if there are 5 frogs in the well and one jump out from there how many left there "five" replied Milan because frog can't cross the well by jumping 

teacher says " well the answer is four  " but i like the way you are thinking 

Milan says sir i have a question for you if there were three women eating ice cream cones in the shop. one was sucking her cone, second one was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone , which one is married 

teacher nervously replied " well i guess the one sucking the cone."

'no' said Milan " the one with the wedding ring on her finger but i like the way you are thinking 

Read More

scientist and philosopher

once 2 person wants to visit the national park where there was many tigers and other animals so when they were visiting one hungry tiger chase them to eat. among them one was scientist and another was philosopher. 

scientist quickly calculated and said "it's no good trying to outrun it's catching up"

and the philosopher kept a little a head and replied " i am not trying to outrun the tiger, i am trying to outrun you "

Read More

three shardars

once three shardar were sleeping on a bed and there was difficult to sleep three shardars so one of shardar went to sleep in the sofa and when there was some space then one shardar says come know there is space  to sleep come and join

eye problem

once there was a model and she fashioned her self so much one day when she wake up from her bed and she look at the mirror and found herself so ugly her hair was all wiry and frazzled up her skin was all wrinkled and pasty and her face look like corpse so
she went to doctor and ask what happened to her for half an hour doctor says "well i can say you don't have the eyesight problem "

Read More

exam hall

hari was in class 5 and he has his result. in that result he has scored math : 5  science :10  nepali : 25 and soon and his father watched his progress report and ask why you are fail?
son : father due to absent
father : absent... when you were absent ?
son : no dad the boy who sits next to me was absent

cool morals

love your neighbour. but donn't get caught
save water. drink beer and vodka
money is nothing. there is also mastercard and visa card
we should love animals.they are tasty too



                                      

Read More

my age

In india people mainly used train for their travel and one day there was a three women in the box and one of them was 80 another was 60 and 40.while they were talking the women(80) says i am 60 years old and another women(60) says iam 40 and last women with (40) says i am 20. unfortunately there was a young boy of 20 years old on that box and feel infront of three women and says iam child mamaa





one tourist from Nepal  went to visit america and he was completely unknown from that place and when he arrived to that place then he saw very big houses and he try to count the building and one of the man says that what are you doning and the nepalese tourist replied i am counting the buildinng and the man say that you have to pay for that how many building you have count you have to pay 1$ for 1 building and the tourist replied that he had counted 20 block and he paid 20 $ and the tourist says i madee him fool i have counted 40 blocks and i just pay half of it. and now the tourist get hungry and on the outside of the resturent there was written food 12$ meat $ and soup free and the nepali tourist ask is the soup is free and the bar man replied yes it is free and the tourist ordered give me 3 plate of soup and they give the soup and tourist eat all the soup and wake up from there and said soup was really so nice and thank for all and the bar man said your bill is 15$.and the tourist said that was free so i eat. i don't have money he ran away from there

Read More

lovely periodic table

scientist has discover a new element. which we want in our life well that is what ?  just look below

Element name: girl

symbol: gl

Atomic weight: don't dare to ask !

Atomic no(boyfriend no): don't dare to ask other wise you will get the bitter slap

physical properties:  can freeze at anytime,Boils at anything, melts if handled carefully with love, very bitter if mishandeled....!

chemical properties:  highly unstable ,very reactive , possess string affinity for diamond, gold, platinum and other precious items, money reducing agent, volitile when left some one

uses : Mainly used 2 destroy men and playing with  once heart

Read More

soldier

once in the army barek there was a soldier his charactor was so odd. he used to pick up any piece of paper that he found and says "that's not it" and put it down and do that to all paper that he found in the way or any where even in the toilet so the commander noticed that so he call the psychologist and tested nim.
after some times  the psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranded and wrote out discharge from army and the soldier and pick it up smiled and said "this is it "


                                             turtle


once turtle was walking from nepal to india and while at the mean time there was a murder by snail gang so detective police inspector rabbit reached there and asked the turtle if he could explain what has happened  the turtle looked with coonfused and replied "i don't know it all happened so fast "

Read More

maried 35 years ago

once in USA there was a john he was rich and he like to paly golf and one morning on the golf court he was playing golf with his one of friend montey and by the time john saw funeral processesoin on the road  and he take off his golf cap and close his eyes, and bow down his head and pray
and montey replied "you are really a kind man. this is the most touching things i have ever seen "
then john replied "well we were maried 35 years ago "

Read More

read it...... read it................

there was a chicken and he went to library and said "book.. book.." and the liberian give book to the chicken and after 2 minutes he came back and again he take a book and again after 2 minute he came back and take a book this process was non-stop for 7 days so liberian follow the chicken , passed the cinema hall, passed the school, passed the market and at last the chicken reach to the pond there was a frog in the middle of the pond and the chicked said "book.. book.." and frog replied "read it...... read it....."

Read More

exam hall

Hari was in class 5 and he has his result. in that result he has scored math : 5  science :10  Nepali : 25 and soon and his father watched his progress report and ask why you are fail?
son : father due to absent
father : absent... when you were absent ?
son : no dad the boy who sits next to me was absent



                                                                sheep

in the class there was a sherpa student whose name was passang and there was math class and the teacher was teaching arithmetic and teacher gave a problem to passang 
teacher : passang suppose there are 20 sheep in the field and 14 sheep jump over the fance. now how many sheep left in the field 
passang : none 
teacher : none? don't you know the arithmetic 
passang : sir you don't know the sheep when one jump they all jump 

                                      

Read More

apple is watched by god

it was lunch time in my school and small children were in lined to take  for lunch and at the front there was some apples on the desk and there was written "take only one god is watching for apples"
and in the second line there was chocolate and one of the child wrote " take all you want. god is watching apples"

Read More

naughty boy

once there was a boy named milan he was very naughty and does bad work at home. he used to break bottles and furniture so  his father was so upset of his character. but in the school he was very nice and labor hard  student he help other students and his study was very nice he has become board topper so principal call his father and said that you son has scored good marks and break the record of the school. and his father says he was naughty in the house and he also does in the school i will see him

                                 letter

once  a student of class 1 was writing a letter to his best friend and teacher saw writing letter and teacher
teacher: you don't know how to write a letter?
and student reply he also don't know how to read letters

Read More

Birbal drinks alcohol

Akbar wanted to band the drinking of alcohol in his country and he banded too. But Birbal was drinker and he dislike the decision of Akbar so he used to go to the shop and drink wine. all the people know about Birbal so people complained  to the king. and Akbar also wanted  to know is it really or not so he and other people follow the Birbal. Birbal also know that king is following him.and at evening time Birbal went to shop and start to drink. he put one glass wine and ask to glass who are u then galss says i am a medicine. if you drink me i will help you to maintain your body. you will feel free of work so birbal drink and again he take another glass and ask who are u and the glass replied i am such thing that gives you relief from the tension then Birbal drink that and again he put the third glass and ask who are you then the glass replied i am alcohol. then Birbal threw the glass and know Akbar says look he is not drinking the wine. when know that it is wine then he threw it away.

Read More

ganesh with rat

once upon a time there a person named bikash he was too lazy. he don't want to any things. he just want to relax and enjoy. one day he thought to pray god ganesh and take  a bike a wish. so he started to pray god ganesh after few days ganesh was happy with bikash and appear and say i am very happy what do you want bikash and bikash replied god i don't have any bike and i want a bike from you and ganesh replied if i had a bike then why should i use rat a my rider 

Read More

Akbar and Birbal

once upon a time in the india there was a kingdom  and Akbar was the king and Birbal was prime minister. Birbal was the most clever prime minister in that kingdom and Akbar wants some interesting things and events so he call Birbal and says  today you have to bring the milk of ox go and prepare for that Birbal was in trouble he knows that ox never give a milk now he was so sad and his face was looking different. when he reached home his daughter was his sad face and his  daughter says what happens to you. why are you like this can i do any thing for you. then Birbal says king has ordered me to bring the milk of ox how can i bring this is impossible and the daughter replied dad don't worry i will fix this and Birbal did't come for a month to the palace so Akbar decided to visit Birbal and  Akbar went to visit his house the Birbal's daughter was washing clothes and king asked where is your father then she replied my father has a baby today so i am here to wash my dad's clothes you can meet him in the house and king was shoked and says it is impossible man can't bear a child and Birbal's daughter says then how can ox give a milk 

Read More

funny news

welcome the spacebulletin news today we have a latest news and we sould like to start from our main bulatin
1 dog has found that  man has killed a rat and the man is in the court for this crime
2 nasa has seen an invisiable spacecraft in which there were 20 housefly
3 doctor frog  kitter  has warned for the global warming
4 50 fish 20 frog and 5 crocodile were dead on nile river due to over flodded
now news in detail, CBI chief mr buffalo has decleared that a man has killed a rat in his house while the rat was eating cheese and this case was solved by the jenoous police office mr pet dog, nasa has just publlished that they have just trake the signal of inviseablle spacecraft in which there were 20 housefly and the space craft was landed on the garbage,as the temperature is increasing day by day dr frog kitter has said this is due to the global warming level of the water in the pound is getting low if this condition is stay for 10 hours then all the animals will die . recently there was a great over flow in the nile river due to which 50 fish 20 frog and 5 crocodile have been died and 200 fish 100 frog and 35 crocodile has able to save their life but the condition of all the animals are so measurable because the eagle has trying to eat fish and frog so they are in the denger sitution said from the bee reporter. thank to listen our news we will come very soon after one year

Read More

train

In India people mainly used train for their travel and one there was a three women in the box and one of them was 80 another was 60 and 40.while they were talking the women(80) says i am 60 years old and another women(60) says iam 40 and last women with (40) says i am 20. unfortunately there was a young boy of 20 years old on that box and feel infront of three women and says iam child mamaa


Tourist

one tourist from nepal  went to visit america and he was completely unknown from that place and when he arrived to that place then he saw very big houses and he try to count the building and one of the man says that what are you doning and the nepalese tourist replied i am counting the buildinng and the man say that you have to pay for that how many building you have count you have to pay 1$ for 1 building and the tourist replied that he had counted 20 block and he paid 20 $ and the tourist says i madee him fool i have counted 40 blocks and i just pay half of it. and now the tourist get hungry and on the outside of the resturent there was written food 12$ meat $ and soup free and the nepali tourist ask is the soup is free and the bar man replied yes it is free and the tourist ordered give me 3 plate of soup and they give the soup and tourist eat all the soup and wake up from there and said soup was really so nice and thank for all and the bar man said your bill is 15$.and the tourist said that was free so i eat. i don't have money he ran away from there

Read More

conductor

there was a conductor in the bus and a wrester was in the bus and conductor was afraid of him and asked him to take  ticket and wrestler replied i don't take ticket he didn't do any thing because he was so thin infront of him and on another day again he asked to take ticket and wrestler repled that i will not take ticket and the conductor goes to gym centre and build his budy after 6 month the conductor asked take the ticket other wise. the wrestler again said that i don't take ticket because  i have a pass

        man with one hand

a man was so unhappy because he has loose his hand on the accident so he doesn't want to live with his one hand and he tries to suside form the top of the building and went to the 20th floor building and when he tries to jump from the building then one man stops him and ask why are you doing this and he reply he doesn't want to live with one hand the man said that look at that man he doesn't have both hand but he is enjoying look he is dancing and they reach to that man and said that i have lost my one hand and i don't want live but youhavenn't both but you are dancing and the man replied i am not dancing iam eaching my body

Read More

mental hospital

there was a mental hospital in the valley and the doctor was doing very hard work for that and one day he wanted to know how improvement was in the patients health and he call all the patient and told that, in that room i have kept 10 crore rupees go and get it. All of the patients run to there. And one of them stay there and the doctor asked him why didn't you  go there and grab the money and he replied that let's see how can they take  money from there why doctor said because. i have lock the door and i have a key of it


three shardar
once three shardar were sleeping on a bed and there was difficult to sleep three shardars so one of shardar went to sleep in the sofa and when there was some space then one shardar says come know there is space  to sleep come and join 

Read More

full episode of woodcutter

Once upon a time there was a woodcutter  and he was very honesty. one day when he went to jungle to cut
wood. while cutting wood at the bank of the river  his axe fell into a deep water and he was so upset and he was crying and a river god appear and asked him what had happened. then he replied that he was cutting wood and the axe fell in the river then godess said i will help you. she disappear and after a certain time she appear with the golden axe and asked is this your axe. then wood cutter replied this is not mine and again she disappear and again she came with silver axe and again he replied that is not his axe and finally she appear with the iron axe and woodcutter was so happy and replied that that was his axe the godess was so happy with his honesty she gave all the three axe and dissapear

next day when he came with his wife then his wife drawm in the same river and again he try to cry and again godess appear and asked what happened and he replied that his wife is drawn in to the river and godess diappear and come with a angel and asked that is this your wife and the wood replied that yes she is my wife and the godess was so angry and asked why did you lie to me and the wood cutter replied that if i had said no then she would bring another and asked me is she your wife and i will say no then you will bring my real wife and i will say yes then you will give me all three wives. it is so difficult to survive with one wife you will give me all three then how can i survive with all these three

Read More

top 10 replies of your parents not to buy something

for son

1 you are not enough to carry this

2 when i was in your age i didn't use this kinds of things

3 son this is not so good we will search for good one

4 i think i have forget my purse  in the house

5 why are you asking for this kinds of things

6 whom you want to impress, for your girlfriend

7 first ask to your mom and then ok

8 look at your sister she doesn't ask for any thing

9 next day we will buy this

10 today i have a little money we will do this tomorrow 

for daughter

1 well we have come to buy vegetable not this

2 we will buy it tomorrow

3 just ask to your dad and then 

4 look at your brother he is not like you 

5 i think this is not good enough to you 

6 this month we have a little money we will buy it next month

7 let me to talk with you father

8 i will buy you don't worry

9 you have chose very expensive dress 

10 this dress is not so beautiful and it will not suit for you

Read More

chemistry teacher

 There was a three teacher one is physician,another is zoologist and chemist.once in a holiday they went to visit ranipokhari then     phisician teacher said i have to measure the density of water and he jumped in the water long time was spend he doesn't  come then the zoologist said that perhaps the fish has eaten him i will do surgery and he also jumped into the water he was also  dissappear in the pond then at last the chemist teacher wrote the theory that'the physician and the zoologist both are highly soluble in water'.

Read More

Kuwer and shiva

once upon a time in Nepal Bikash was praying for god Kuwer and Kuwer god was impressed and appear in front of Bikash and ask what he want. Bikash replied he has a question. here's one second is how much there in your lok Kuwer replied 100million second. Bikash again asked here's one rupees is how much then 100 million replied Kuwer. now Bikash says god give me 1 million and god reply wait for 1 second i am coming



once upon a time there was a meeting of god Bramaha, Bishnu, Indra Dev and all other respective god were present and they were waiting for the God shiva. They have been waiting for one and half hour but lord shiva was still absent. and Bishnu phoned to shiva and asked him what is he doing he replied that i am doing some thing in Nepal please call later or i am coming very soon there unfortunately he was writing constitution of Nepal 

Read More

nepal and india

once a tourist was spending his tour in Jumla and his tour was going very well. one day when he was taking his tea in the shop. unfortunitely he used to have more sugar on tea but there was less amount so he cried sugar sugar and the shopkeeper's son run and pissed in his tea.


once Indian mother was in hospital and his son has an accident and there was an English doctor and when the Doctor asked her what had happened to her son in  English but her English  was not good enough but she try to reply  she said
My Londa Geronda From Hero Honda

Read More

nice teacher

Teacher : where is the Mount Everest?
Student : I don't know miss
Teacher : stand up on the bench
Student : still i can't see it miss


Top replies of a teacher when he/she doesn't know the answer..

1. I think the question is wrong.
2. I'll tell u tomorrow.
3. Don't ask such foolish questions.
4. This u'll read in ur next semesters.
And the best 1 is....... some one knows
5. Raise ur hands who know the answer.
6.If still unanswered, then
This is ur homework to find the answer,i won't tell u now.
7. i think you have not read properly
8. what were you doing while study
9.imm that's good question we will discuss it tomorrow
10.hey what are you doing back bench have you listen what your friends says

Read More

funny student

Bikash and Kiran are brothers. Their teacher told them to write an essay about Dog.
After checking  essays the teacher said,
'Why both  essays are the same?'
kiran: Sir, our pet dog is same.
Bikash : yes sir


teacher told student to write an essay about under 19 football competition
kiran finished so fast within a minute
teacher asked him to show
he has written
the football tournament was cancel due to heavy rain

Read More

do you know me?

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders,

"there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Norman.

"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."

"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"



"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.

"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.

"No." "I'm the principal's daughter."

"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.

"No," she replied.

"Thank goodness!"

Read More

admission

There was a student who was desirous of taking admission for a study course.
He was smart enough to get through the written test, a GD and was to appear for the personal interview. Later, as the interview progressed, the interviewer found this boy to be bright since he could answer all the questions correctly. The interviewer got impatient and decided to corner the boy.
"Tell me your choice;" said he to the boy, "What's your choice: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or ONE real difficult. Think well before you make up your mind."
The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is ONE real difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!" said the man on the opposite side. Tell me: What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted first but he waited for a while and said: "It's the DAY, sir."
"How???????" the interviewer was smiling ("At last, I got you!" he said to himself.)
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
Admission for the course was thus secured.

Read More

newton

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl 
about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a police officer?"
"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"





Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?"
Student: "Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything."

Read More

snake1 : i am glad that i am not poisonous
snake2 : why ?
snale1 : i just bit my tongue


father : what are your marks like in the school ?
son : they are underwater
father : what  does that mean ?
son they are below c level

teacher : can you tell me what is the unit of electricity ?
student : what ?
teacher : correct 

Read More

LITTLE JIMMY : "My math teacher is crazy". MOTHER: "Why?"

LITTLE JIMMY: "Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1; today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2."


A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy.
 So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's pants."

Read More

homework

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother,
"Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.
 "The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ...
 by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework."

Read More

student

Bikash got 100 out of 100 in the exam. So the teacher gave him a gift and said,
I hope you will do the same in the next exam.'
Bikash: Thank you Sir. I hope you will also print the question paper from my uncle’s printing shop next time.

Teacher: Tell me an example of a creature which can live on water as well as the land.
Student: Frog.
Teacher: Another example.

Student: Another frog.

Read More

teacher

Math teacher: Tell me kiran, if a milkman mixes 2 litres water and 1 liter milk, he will get 3 litres.
What will happen if he mixes 6 litres of water and 3 litres milk?
kiran : I am not a milkman, how can I solve it?

Teacher is explaining to the student,
'if you see someone sinking in the water, you should pull his hair to save him from the water. It will be easy for you.'
Student: but sir, if it happens to you, we shouldn’t help you.
Teacher: why?
Student: because you don’t have any hair.

Read More

young teacher

A young boy was teaching mathematics to a young girl, saying that this was his good deed.
 He kissed her; he then kissed her again; he kissed her a third time adding "There, thats addition".
 She silently gave him the kisses back sweetly saying " So that will be substraction?".
They then kissed each other at the same time. Both smiled and said together " That's multiplication.”
Just at that moment, the young girls father arrived. He kicked him for two blocks exclaiming "That's long division".

Read More

two sardars

Two Sardar ji, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are Sardars we will go direct to the Sun."
"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."

Read More

turtle addupt

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

Read More

baby born

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."
A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "I forgot where I put it"

Read More

three educated person

3 guys were riding in a car : a programmer,a system analyst, a hardware techinician. the system analyst is driving the car and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the breaks have failed and the car is accelerating out of control
so the driver pumps the emergency brake, sownshifts the gares, and rubs the wheels rims against the crub . he finally restless the car to a stop the three climb out and assess the situation

the hardware technician :" let's try and fix it. i'll crawl under the car and take a look"

systems analyst :  No I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes

programmer : "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again "?

Read More

60 years of marriage

a married couple was celebrating their 60 th weeding anniversary. at the party everybody wanted to know how they manage to stay married so long in this day and age. the husband reply " when we were married we cane to an agreement. i would make all the major decision and my wife would make all the minor decision. and in 6o years of marriage we have never needed to make a major desicion."

Read More

jokes: self-esteem

jokes: self-esteem: once a guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, ...

Read More

class3

teacher : abodh can you count up to 5?
abodh count up to 5 slowly using his finger
teacher : Good can you count any higher?
abodh put up his hand and count to 5 anain using his finger


#  the difference between king and president  is that a king is the son of his father and president isn't

Read More

class2

                           


teacher : what is a island
student : a pieces of land which is surrounded by water except on one side
teacher : On one side?
student : yap on the top

teacher : give me the region why world is round
student : well my dad says so, my mother says so, my girlfriend says so, and you says so

Read More

class2

teacher :  bikash how do you spell "crocodile"?
bikash :  k-r-o-k-o-d-i-a-l
teacher : No that's wrong
bikash : May be it's wrong. But you asked me how I spell it ?


teacher : why are you late
abodh:  : because of sign
teacher : what sign
abodh :  the one that says "School Ahead, Go Slow"


teacher : what are some products of  biratnagar ?
abodh : i don't know
teacher : of course you do where do you get sugar from?
abodh : we borrow it from our neighbour

Read More

class room review1

teacher :  tomorrow there will be a lecture on pluto and neptune every must attend it
student : sorry my mom would't let me go so far


teacher : how old is you dad
students : he is as old as i am
teacher  : how is it possible.
student : because he become dad only after i was born

teacher : suppose i give you 2 dogs and again i give you two dogs so how many will you have?
student :  five sir
teacher :  how?
student  : i have one dog in my house

Read More

class room review

math teacher asked student : what is the full form of Math?
the student answers : " mentally affected teachers harrasing students"



in the class room a teacher asked if i saw a man beating a dog and stop him then what virtue would i be showing?
quickly a students replied :  brotherly love  sir...




english teacher asked give me an examlpe of coincidence?
students replied my momy and dad got maried on same date

Read More

class room 2

Teacher: What happened in 1869?

Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.

Teacher: What happened in 1873?

Student: Gandhi was four years old.


Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?

Student: HIJKLMNO.

Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about?

Student: Yesterday you said H to O.

Read More

job

bikash applied for job in decetive in india and in the interview he was asked a question
WHO KILLED MAHATMA GHANDI?
BIKASH : i will tell you tomorrow
bikash come home and said that he get the to his wife and said that his job is to investigate who killed ghandi

Read More

class room 1

teacher : tell me the sentence that starts with an "I"
student : I is the.....
teacher : STOP never put 'is' after an "I" Always put 'am' after an "I"
student : OK iam the ninth letter of the alphabet


teacher : How can we get some clean water?
student : well bring the water from the river and wash it

teacher :  what do you think kiran the pastparticiple of the verb to ring
kiran :  what do you think it is sir ?
teacher : i don't think  i knew
kiran :  i don't think i knew either, sir

Read More

class room

 Teacher : which is the longest word in english language ?
 Student : SMILES is the longest word in english language.
 Teacher : what??????
 Student  : yes sir there is mile between first and last letter...hahahah

teacher: bikash  point sagarmatha  in the map
bikash: that is it sir
teacher: well done bikash now class who  found sagarmatha?
class bikash did


kiran : iam in big trouble yar
bikash : what happen?
kiran : i saw a mouse in my house
bikash : well then you will need just use a  trap
kiran : i don't have a trap
bikash : well buy it
kiran : i can't offored
bikash : well i will give it
kiran : that sounds sounds too good
bikash  : then you have to do is put a chees in the trap
kiran  : i don't have chees
bikash  :  well then put a bread and oil in the trap
kiran  : i don't have oil
bikash  : put the bread then
kiran   :  i don't have bread
bikash  : then what is the mouse doing at you home

Read More

kiran: Why have you increased speed of car?

bikash: Break has failed. We should reach home before accident.


judge : Now they are your parents  with who do you want to live with? with your mom
kids: no she beats me too much
judge: so do you want to live with your father?
kids: no he also beats me
judge : then with who will you want to live with?
kids: i want to live with nepalese cricket team they never beat anybody


kiran: why are you closing your eyes while playing pianno
bikash: i cant see the agony of the audience

Read More

IPL effect education

Cricket has reached exciting level with IPL. Infusing the same thing into exams, some suggestion:

a. Reduce exam duration to 1 hour and marks to 50.

b. introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.

c. Give free hit i.e, a chance for students to frame their own questions and write answers.

d. First 15 min power play, i.e, no invigilator in the examination hall.

e. Introduce their fair play awards.

f. Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answers written.

g. Introduce one award to the most correct answers in the exams i.e, maximum sixes of the match.

Read More

George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. and a  guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that`s them." for why? guy didn't reply
  and the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We`re planning World War III".
And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde.
The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ha ?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

Read More

evolution or creation

 once a  little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"

   And mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

  father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

That makes confused so the  confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

  And mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Read More

kiran has to sell his dog bikash wants to buy it
bikash:Is this dog faithful?
kiran:yes I have sold it 3 times earlier also. it is so faithful, everytime it returned back to me 

Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?

Woman: Yes, An Amazing Funny Effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head. 

My sweet girlfriend had habit of biting her fingernails. She started doing YOGA to treat the problem. Soon her finger-nails started growing normally.
Seeing this, I asked if yoga had totally cured her problem.
"No," she replied with a funny sweet smile, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."

 

Read More

knife

 kiran: why are you heating the knife
 bikash: to do sucide
kiran :But why are you heating knife 
bikash: to prevent infection 


A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.
Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday.
Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ??
Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Read More

blind man

  once a guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  then he  takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Read More

blind man in store

once a  blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Read More

the english language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England                                          
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

Read More

eat your plate

Taipei, Taiwan (AP) - Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now go a step further - eat the plate.    

Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers.

Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each.

Diners who don't want to eat the items - which taste like unsalted popcorn - can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said.

Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused.

Read More

self-esteem

once a  guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

Read More

friday special

teacher was teaching grammer in the class and asked hari 

teacher : hari name two pronouns

hari : who, me?

teacher : very good sit down 

                                          god messing 

There were two brothers named bikash and milan  They were so naughty that  people always comes with complain to their parents. Parents became very upset and they have taken them to the mental doctor.

Doctor firstly call milan and asked him “Tell me where is god?” milan keep him silence. Then doctor again asked with loud voice “Tell me where is God?”.

milan  ran away from there and went to his home and hide himself in his corner 

When another brother saw that then  he also ran away after him and reached to the home and asked “Brother what doctor asked you and why did  you ran away?”

milan  said, “God is missing and everybody thinking that we did it”

Read More

sixth sence is nonsence

Two cowboys came upon an Chinese lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Chinese?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "He's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Chinese looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "About two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, furniture in wagon ..."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Chinese knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color, what's in the wagon -- just amazing!"
The Chinese looks up and says, "Ugh ... not amazing ... wagon ran ... over me ... 30 minutes ago!"

Read More

Little Anthony

 it was the morning of Friday , the priest noticed that little Anthony was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.
The plaque was covered with names, and small  flags were mounted on either side of it. The ten year old boy had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Anthony."
"Good morning father," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.
"Father Murphy, what is this?" Anthony asked.
"Well, son, its a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly they stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Little Anthony's voice was barely audible when he asked,
"Which service, the 9:00 or the 10:30?"
 

Read More

rich lawyer

once there was a rich lawyer he was so stingy.
  he is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"

Read More

light

once in the working place some thing was happened by nothing lets see
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

Read More